Rain Isn't What's Falling
by SteelAgainstIvory
Summary: It may seem like a normal day in Danville, but something happens a little differently for Perry the Platypus when Doofensmirtz's newest -inator backfires. Perry has a species change and there is dancing... cliche and graphic-like. Rated M for Mature. PxD


*****NOTE: Updated as of November 3, 2009*****

_Unfortunately fanfic . net hates the underline button for me. All scene changes have been replaced by bold. Sorry about that. If anyone notices any spelling mistakes, please point them out to me (via constructive criticism please). Since I have gotten my computer fixed, it's been six months since I last wrote a fic! I've gotten rusty and spell-check takes care of most of the work for me._

_Thanks!_

**A/N: **For those of you who are avid supporters of my work, it will not astound anyone when I explain that this entire story literally came to me in a dream. Suffice to say, for a fan-girl, my subconscious is freaking AWESOME.

**Warning:** The following passages you are about to read will be trippy, _**smutty**_, _**detailed**_, and possibly even philosophical or psychological bashings of what one might perceive is 'normal.' This pairing is between PERRY and DOOFENSMIRTZ. It will be MATURE. It will contain SLASH—yaoi, boy on boy, man love, homosexual lovemaking, so on and so forth. Therefore if you are OFFENDED??? I politely suggest you DO NOT READ THIS THEN.

**Disclaimer:** Dan and Swampy created all The Phineas and Ferb characters. Disney has the will to air the show and collect payments for anything relating. I merely scribble down FAN FICTION, and by that definition, I do not own the cartoon…

**Summary:** There are some very mature scenes within this fic. If you are under eighteen, may I please suggest you do not read. That is all I shall say here.

**Remember:**

"Talking."

_Thoughts._

**Time Jump/Scene Change/Ect**

Self-explanatory.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was a lovely day; with blue jays chirping as they swooped by in the bright clear heavens, and a lazy warm light fell across the reflective yellow of an umbrella held by two curious boys in their backyard where the grass glinted like emeralds in the sun. The boy with a head that held an odd triangular shape—which was saved only by an unruly patch of auburn tresses—flicked his eyes out from under the rather impressive sized umbrella to inspect the sky. The taller, jade-haired boy—who was the one wielding the instrument above them—glanced beyond his stepbrother to see their mother striding to them with a purse slung over her shoulder.

"Phineas, Ferb, may I ask what you're up to today?"

"Well, Ferb was watching the news and the weatherman said it was going to rain," the redheaded child began while the other nodded, "But it looks like he got it wrong." The mom tsked while her two sons sighed, rounding their shoulders in disappointment.

"I'm sorry boys, maybe you could enjoy the nice sun though?" she suggested. Phineas raised his brows speculatively.

"I guess so, but Ferb had this cool plan for a device that could turn rain into strawberry milk, and we planned to turn a nice profit for back to school sales," Phineas explained while Ferb slowly lowered the umbrella dejectedly. Their mother just chuckled, shaking her head.

"Oh, you boys are so imaginative! I'm sure you will find something to do while I'm at class today," she soothed while fishing in her bag. Phineas blinked, confused and pointing at his mom.

"But your cooking class ended last weekend, didn't it?" he asked. Linda triumphantly tugged out a sweatband, snapping it around her gingered head swiftly.

"This is a dance class! Gotta stay in shape," she said, patting Phineas on the head, "Sadly your sister made me realize I'm not as spry as I use to be… Now, be good while I'm gone! Bye boys!"

"Bye mom!" the striped-shirt pulled up as Phineas waved goodbye. When his mother finally disappeared behind the closed wooden fence, the boy tsked. "What a shame, mom's figure is just fine. But I suppose dancing—wait!"

Ferb calmly stood while his brother snapped his fingers with a grin.

"I know what we're gonna do today, Ferb! Let's try a rain dance!" he exclaimed.

"Did I hear rain dance?" a voice came from behind the two. They turned to see a head with long, dark locks pop up from over the top of the fence. Instantly the brothers sprinted over to greet the girl.

"Hey Isabella! Whatcha _dooo_-in_'_?" Phineas questioned. Isabella smiled and tugged up her Fireside Girl's sash.

"Me and the troupe are trying to get our Tribal Weather Ceremonies Badge. That's when I heard you mention rain dancing. Would you like some help?" she offered. Phineas brightened.

"Of course!"

"Sweet! We'll go get the supplies, you guys prepare a space for the bonfire," she ordered. Phineas saluted his friend as she hopped down and skipped from sight. He spun back to Ferb, rubbing his hands excitedly.

"Hooray for ballets that produce aquatic satisfaction!" the ten year old cheered, then stopped, looking about. "Hey, speaking of aquatic! I wonder where Perry is?"

"Better question," Ferb intoned while raising a single finger upward to catch his bro's attention, "Are we a little too young for formal rain procedure?"

A pause.

"Huh. I honestly don't know."

**Dooby Dooby Dooo Bah! Dooby Dooby Dooo Bah! Dooby Dooby Dooo Bah—AGENT P!**

A teal coated semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action sprang up from his spot located in the shade of the garage that served to hide a perfect secret entrance. When one moved the odd shaped rock lying against the house a bright red button could be found underneath. It was stepped on, causing the earth to open and Perry leapt down a slippery tube that circled all the way to the agent's HQ. Automatically the large, flat screen hanging above shiny panels flickered on as the platypus placed his fedora on his head accordingly.

"Ah! Agent P, we have a new assignment for you," the white mustache of the Major moved slightly as a paper was held up to the screen. Perry's beak-bill frowned at the picture of Doofensmirtz tilted too close to the screen. "Carl managed to snap this photo of the doctor hanging around the zoo."

Perry's brows fell down in a straight line, showing his displeasure.

"Er, well, I don't know what it means, but the kid is insistent he's up to no good," Major Monogram laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. Then, sneaking over, he hunched in front of the camera to whisper, "Just humor him, he won't let me alone."

With a rugged sigh, Perry nodded. The animal spun the chair around and blasted off toward the Evil Inc. Tower.

As the Evil Jingle rang out in Perry's head, the agent steered his hover-seat at the same time he pointed his grapple-gun at the edge of the building. Firing with perfect aim, the hook caught the garish purple cement roof, launching the animal around the sides of the building and sailing through an open window. Flipping beaver-tail over fedora covered head; Perry managed to land in a crouch smack dab in the middle of Dr. Doofensmirtz's lair with out a sound. Standing up right, the secret agent flicked his eyes across the dim chrome room.

If Perry knew anything, it's that pretty soon he would be able to locate Dr. D. Which of course he did by turning a sharp corner to his left… and that was probably unwise because Doofensmirtz was standing at a consul, deft fingers twirling knobs and pressing buttons.

"Hello Perry the Platypus!" the doctor said absently, peeking up to scan his eyes over a monitor. Perry froze, effectually making Doofensmirtz blanche before pivoting on his heel. "Perry the Platypus?!" The agent jumped up just as the doctor tried to make a grab for him. Darting under the human's feet, the platypus ended at another corner of the room, taking his time to survey the instrument the evil doc was working on. Doofensmirtz obviously noticed, beaming and placing his hands on his skinny hips. "Like it? It's a ray!"

Perry rolled his eyes. This just made Doofensmirtz cross his arms, turning his face away in what others might call arrogance, but the animal always considered it pouting.

"Ray's are classic dooms day devices, so don't be snooty," he ironically admonished, "It's my Inner-Animal-Ray-Inator!" Perry merely stared. Dr. D sighed, scratching the top of his head. "Well, the name needs work, and so do the configurations. I thought I would have more time… the, uh, weatherman said there was going to be rain so I assumed you would take a safer route over. Should have known better. No body's more evil than weathermen. Except, ya know, for me."

Perry smirked minutely, thinking quite the opposite, but Doof didn't really need to know that.

"So, shall we bump up the schedule?" he asked, "You see, at the zoo, I was listening to this hippie lady talk about how animals are more loyal than people. If we'd all notice our 'inner animal' there would be no wars. So _I_ thought, 'Hey, Doof! If you could turn everyone into their inner animal, I bet you'd have an army of animal slaves!' And, yes, I am well aware I spoke to myself in the second person but it's almost sort of comforting. You see as a child—"

As the human was turning round Perry launched from his spot, and preceded to grapple with his arch nemesis.

**Meanwhile, Back with P&F**

"I don't know about this," a young and high Punjab accent wavered from behind the suburban tree. The rest of the gang—that being the Fireside Girls, Isabella, Phineas, Ferb, and Buford—all impatiently waited around the circle of chopped wood.

"I'm sure you look fine, Baljeet!" Phineas encouraged while tugging at his own costume.

"I am not as sure as you are…" Baljeet sighed as he finally emerged from his hiding place. The entire crew grew bug eyed at the youth's semi-dressed appearance. "Those looks do not inspire much confidence."

"HEY!" a sudden, enraged voice called out. A tall teenage girl stomped out her back door, waving her phone. "I'M TRYING TO—Woah. What's with Baljeet's clothes?"

"Oh! I cannot believe I am dressed like a human sacrifice!" the boy groaned. Phineas looked to Isabella who twiddled her thumbs.

"I thought there weren't any human sacrifices in rain dancing?" he queried more than stated.

"Oh, there's not," she chirped, throwing her arm over her secret crush's shoulder; it caused Phineas to huddle with the girl as if in conference.

"Then why's Baljeet playing the part of one?" he questioned, throwing a look toward the rest of their friends.

"Oh, don't worry, I just owed Buford a favor," she cryptically clarified.

"Should you really endorse bullying, Isabella?" the redhead asked, surprise gracing his features. Isabella patted his back, letting her head fall down shamefully.

"It's depressing to me how oblivious you are…" she confessed, while at the same time Buford had strutted over and flicked Baljeet's forehead. Candance speed dialed her mother's number, rushing inside the house at the realization of what her brothers were up to.

"It kinda suits you, 'jeet," the bully taunted. Baljeet simply whined, covering his heated face.

**DOOFENSMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORTATED! **

The battle's end was speeding toward the two enemies like a big-rig without brakes. Perry knew Doofensmirtz was about to do something desperate, as was his MO, so the agent was prepared. When the good doctor was skidding along the floor, Perry propelled his webbed feet toward the controls for the "Inner-Animal-Ray-Inator." He jumped up to a swivel chair and started calculating as he hit a random sequence of buttons.

"No!" Dr. D gasped, scrambling backwards with his hands and feet, "You'll overload the circuits!" Sure enough, as soon as the words left Doofensmirtz lips, a low humming was building behind the secret agent.

Perry jerked back as the panels began to smoke. Almost immediately the levers and dials grew to extreme temperatures. Sparks leapt out and the platypus dived from his seat, rolling along the floor. The agent's eyes widened as his elbow roughly hit the ground, which jarred his shoulder. Basic training taught him that if a serious injury has been obtained, to pause before making a decision in case the pain causes one to be unneeded and rash.

However, the ache in his right arm was seeping out of him quite quickly as a mechanical clattering noise started from above him. His head shot up, and the sight concerning him was the external ray shaking as a build up of orange light lit up the dish. Then, with a sudden ringing, the orange light blasted down.

The force of it shocked the machine, as well as the ground around Perry, who threw a look of surprise toward the doctor. Doofensmirtz covered his mouth, but before anything else could be done, an explosion rocked the Evil Inc Tower.

**As Candace Sped Toward the Downtown Dancing Center**

A chorus of "Gotta bust the boys! Gotta bust the boys! Gotta bust the boys!" was rudely interrupted. Candance's bike was hurled upward as a quake rattled the earth. Screeching, the teen somersaulted over her handrails and over the heads of countless passersby. Eventually she slapped face first on the glass of the famous dance class.

"Candace?!"

"Gudda… bus'da… boiz…!"

**Commercial Break Over**

Doofensmirtz coughed through a haze of dusty particles swirling through the smoke. A rancid order of burning plastic and scorched metal was wafting overhead. The doctor felt his knees still quivering from the impact of the ray that Perry the Playpus had—

"Perry the Platypus!"

Instantly, and probably against better judgment, the evil doc was up and tripping over fallen debris trying to find the little mammal. A desperate clutch had caught Doof's heart, and there was no real reason for it. All the man knew was that his—dare Perry be called anything other than nemesis?—combatant appeared to be in a perilous situation. "Perry the Platypus! Perry the Platypus!" was all Heinz could yell out, fear tinting his tenor voice.

His hands was scattering the chunks of metal and twisted remains of wires. Cuts and scrapes was the result for his palms, which caused him to wince under his breath while mopping his sweaty brow. It was the third time he repeated that painful action when from beneath the remnant of the circular dish for the ray, the trademark fedora was found. With renewed vigor Doofensmirtz continued to dig, calling out, "Perry the Platypus! Perry the Platypus! Perry the…"

All sound seemed to die as from the wreckage, metals shifted, clinking about toward the scuffed ground. Doofensmirtz cried out, slipping back and unto his butt with a loud **thump**! His navy eyes widened in the dissipating fog as a _tall_ figure rose up, and the evildoer's breath was caught.

Sleek, taunt, and sun-kissed flesh could be seen moving in a hypnotizing fashion. A shoulder emerged as it shrugged off a pillar of aluminum that held down a plate across the broad backside. Powerful muscles were clenching and releasing in that human process of deep breathing after a serious physical excursion. Such as—_Nope, not gonna go there!_ Heinz screamed inside, but could not keep his tired eyes off the other's bowed head of shiny teal strands of satin.

Wait! Wait one minute! _Teal_? _Teal_ **hair**? Like… _teal_ **fur**?

"P-P-Per… Perry?" the brunet gulped. The man stiffened momentarily, turning his torso—and Lord what a torso!—toward Dr. D's voice. A large hand reached up and raked the long unruly tendrils of hair back. Doofensmirtz had a sharp intake of breath as he met coffee colored orbs that held a steely determination in them. "O-Oh my…"

It was unexpected and exceptionally too fast, when Perry—human now—sprung from his spot and tackled Heinz. Those large hands pinned him down soundly, and the face of what was once a platypus hovered menacingly. Doofensmirtz took a long time in studying the very handsome visage. Long, straight Roman nose, full lips that held a darker color than the rest of him. Narrowed, fiery eyes framed with perfectly curved brows and fine lashes. Square jaw and angled cheekbones filling in the gaps…

"Wow…" the doctor breathed, suddenly very insecure. This lean, chiseled Greek god pressing into him was definitely secret agent material. Truly, Perry's inner animal. "Err, hold the phone. Your inner animal is a… person?"

Perry the Human nodded abruptly. Heinz wanted to say something else, but suddenly his mouth went dry when the other male yanked him closer by his lapels. It was scary, honestly, being so near to his arch nemesis in this kind of fashion. Doofensmirtz felt like he was going to get dizzy, staring at such a being. Perry always did have a knack for emitting a certain aura of self-confidence, zeal, and well, general badass-ness. Now, within the same species, it was as if it had tripled! Doof began to think he was in a lot more trouble than usual.

Which he _was_ he realized, as Perry had pointed to the charred ruins of the Inner-Animal-Ray-Inator consul. Dr. D stared at it. Looked back to Perry. Stared again. The teal haired human just waited patiently, knowing it would click soon. Then the doc's eyes lit up. "You're human! My ray is broken! I—I—Oh man…" Perry smirked, somehow through the dim circumstance, and dropped Doofensmirtz on the floor. "Guess I should get that fixed huh?"

Perry once again nodded in the affirmative and stood up completely. Doof averted his eyes quickly, face turning into a nice cherry color. The agent noted this and glanced down at what he was in eyesight of. Just then it occurred to him platypi (platypuses, platypode, or whatever, you know what I mean) might not really need clothes… but _humans_ do.

**And Now Back To—**

A drum was beating in a slow pattern, and Phineas began the singing as usual. The children were moving whimsically, all the while asking for the rain to fall. If you didn't know better, you would assume you were watching a music video. The rhymes were appealing, despite Candace running throughout the scene, slightly hysterically her mother had been plagued by legs cramps and was currently sitting in the driveway, massaging the muscles better, thus missing this bustable opportunity.

**Moving Onward!**

Perry was sitting on a hunk of a cheap plastic chair thing and was slightly uncomfortable to say the least. But being a human wasn't all too different than being a platypus in retrospect—except a lot less furry. Which is sort of a plus. It _was_ the summer season after all. Summer does equal heat most of the time. Still, no fur meant no cover. The poor doctor had swiftly launched himself up, thrusting out his lab coat he was wearing in an offering of clothes.

Unfortunately for Perry (but really the poor evil doc is the one to feel sorry for), he turned out to be three inches taller than Doofensmirtz. Talk about a tiny fit… except human Perry also discovered he was a bit more filled out. Trying on the coat without thinking caused it to rip at the seams almost without delay. Heinz froze at the sound of shredding fabric, but refused to spin around, instead busying himself with picking up the mess on his lovely lab floor.

In the end, the animal—err, right, human male now—folded over the lab coat like a towel and slung it around his waist, plopping down on a convenient leftover from the blast. Now he was merely playing the waiting game. This gave him time to think. On what? Well, the only thing in the room: Heinz Doofensmirtz.

Perry's nemesis was incredibly incompetent, and this latest stunt just proves it even more so, but for some reason was Dr. D was unfazed—he just kept trying every ridiculous scheme that popped in his head. The brunet definitely had some weird emotional issues in his childhood, but, eh, who doesn't these days? No, the secret agent was more concerned over the possible harm that could come from the Doof's unchecked enthusiasm for mayhem. Some people like chaos, because it keeps things interesting. Doofensmirtz likes chaos because… well, he likes it and it makes him feel better. Who's Perry to dispute it? Gives him a job, unquestionably.

It's funny in a way. He's like a kitten that gets so caught up in destroying a ball of yarn they finish with getting all tangled. Smirking at his analogy, the coffee eyed man admitted to himself Heinz could be charming in that socially awkward way. Eccentric and extremely oblivious too, which makes him sort of endearing.

The doctor had just replaced a panel, heaving it up, checking to make sure the little knobs and levers were placed right. Nodding that wind-swept mess of coco colored hair, the man lent over and tapped the screen, verifying whether or not the stats were correct. Perry placed his chin in his hand, resting his elbow on his crossed knee. Watching the other work created an odd feeling bubbling from the pit of Agent P's belly. It was a cross between fuzzy and fluttery. Yet, a settled feeling rested over the normally burdened secret agent.

Reflecting wasn't something Perry got to do much—what with saving the tri-state area, pretending to be a mindless household suburban pet, and the naps between these hazardous occupations—and so he was relishing in it greatly.

When thinking of Dr. D… his views always came to a duality. Not just because Doof is evil (honestly, _evil_? For real-reals? Perry seriously doubted it) and Perry himself good (mostly good—there is deceit in his life, even if its for a beneficial cause but that's splitting hairs in a sense). This weird conflicting feelings fell somewhere between a type of competitive friendship and an affair of compliance.

Perry wasn't quite sure what all of _that_ entails… but it was certainly not all together _awful._

Perhaps it could be argued, but the more Perry had to fight off the doc, the less it was a battle and more of an unspoken relationship depending upon the situation. They would fight, they would aide, they would hang around, they would be company, they would provide, but mostly… there was something that was nevertheless to be had. And Perry was uncertain of _what_ it was exactly.

It was then that Heinz sighed, rolling back his shoulders and almost pouting for a second time today. Agent P's head cocked to one side, mentally painting a pretty picture of words for Doofensmirtz (an abnormal pattern of thought about the doc, but on the other hand something he has to analyze often in his reports). The brunet was lanky; slim for sure, but still sporting a little pooch in the stomach. _Adorable_…! is what crosses Agent P's mind a lot. Thin lips that almost always were tipped in a wide smile or poking out childishly. Wide orbs with those dark circles underneath, no doubt from sleepless nights of city sound and complicated backward plans. The unusual pointed nose you wanted to tweak all the time—just to tease him.

Tease. Now _that_ word had some connotations. An avid soap watcher, Perry was soon lost in a completely different world for a second… that was until he saw the _next_ scene…

Heinz had kneeled down and was rewiring the underbelly of the machine. Without warning, the evil one was down on his hands and knees, crawling to reach inside the appliance. Little frustrated noises escaped him—and Perry was fighting down a hot flash that spread throughout his innards—and Doofensmirtz finally leaned his face close to the floor, tilting it up at an angle that would make any mind reel. Sure, he was searching for the right copper tubing, but that is just a trivial skip away from the _Oh_ _Yes! Please Do Me_! Look. The fact that the black turtleneck was a size too big and began sliding down Heinz's backside left Perry to sit upright rigid as well.

Pale skin exposed on a fragile spine was gracefully revealing that dip into the… Perry gulped, feeling his eyes settle on the round bottom. Startled by an immediate reaction in his groin, the secret agent bolted up, knocking back his makeshift seat. This unforeseen action, of course, made Doofensmirtz jump, cracking his head on the machine.

Rubbing his pitiable skull, Doof glanced over at Perry. It didn't take long to notice the erratic, practically spastic exhalations. Concern flowed through the doctor like a tornado ripping Dorothy's home. He pushed up his feet and nearly tumbled in order to get to Perry to inspect the damage. "What's wrong?! Are you having side effects?! They're side effects, aren't they?! Oh dear, I've just killed Perry the Pl—uh, I mean, it really should be just—"

Watching those tempting lips move right in front of the agent was the last straw. Perry suddenly grasped onto the sides of Heinz's face. Instantaneously Doofensmirtz was silent, eyes huge. The doctor found himself in situation that never entered his mind before. That situation being Agent P was _human_ and now _holding_ him in a way that had to only be _freakin'_ _dangerous_.

Perry's human form could be called flawless… however; his hands did seem a bit too large… He could probably clasp a basketball with only one and not drop it. But, Perry was unaware with his own attractiveness and plausible faults. No, his intent was the vaguely parted mouth of the good doctor. His powerful hands overwhelmed the narrow face, and the right thumb was just close enough to the corner of Doof's bottom lip that Perry was actually shaking in controlling his desire to stroke his pads over the moist appendage.

"W-What are y…!" the whisper against Agent P's skin was a regrettable catalyst to Perry stepping forward suddenly and Heinz clumsily scrambling back to keep distance. His long, calloused fingers spread out behind them, trying to find the consul he was working on without breaking visual contact. Fingernails scratched the counter. "W-Wait a—"

Dr. D was shoved up against the controls and Perry had paused, not letting his palm and digits far from that baby soft skin. The taller golden male was all but gone, finally indulging and caressing across the quivering lips of the doctor. _Heaven. _That's what it was. Better than ever imagined to the mammalians. It was almost playfully that Perry let his thumb plunge into the mouth, coffee orbs darkening and capturing Doof into staring back forever. Strangely, Heinz was sorely enticed to lick the evading thumb.

This caught him off guard enough that he pulled back, turning his head to the side and failing to gather oxygen into his straining lungs. "I-I don't know what you're trying to pull here Perry b—" the brunet was sharply cut off as Perry pressed his body into the one under him. "A-Ah…!" Perry's arousal was compressed on Heinz's stomach. His shirt had ridden up in all the movement somehow and the skin-to-skin contact was like an electric shock. On his stomach heated and wet and so very… **gulp**… _big_… were certain body parts. The doc had an intense reaction to it, biting his lip to keep from making a noise.

Perry grabbed the pointed chin of the doctor, growling. The doctor, taken aback, instinctually leaned upwards, connecting their chests as well. Agent P let his thumb pry apart those thin lips and nodded minutely. Somehow, Doof understood it to mean Perry wanted sounds.

Knotted masses of coils were slithering inside Doofensmirtz. Tension built with every deep breath that ghosted over his face from the secret agent looming over him. There was the uncontainable urge to touch and be touched wantonly. Now, _this_ couldn't be a good decision. It warranted a close examination of the reasons why there was a newfound sexual apprehension exploding from them and—

Oh! _To heck with this! Can't stand it any longer!_ It was Heinz who finally surged forward, mashing his mouth desperately against the other's plump lips.

Perry was lost, spiraling downward, putting equal pressure on the mouth below him. Tilting the messy coco head back, practically lifting the scientist up on the top of the controls. Dr. D's mouth opened just a small bit, but that's all it took for the agent to delve in and take possession of the smaller man. There was no saying it was the platypus in him, although nature could have a point or two, but alas, this obsessive take over of the tantalizing orifice was something else entirely. It was a basic need, human, animal, and all other, for this manner of contact.

Heinz's taste buds were dominated by sweet flavored milk, and it wasn't hard to fall prey to such a demanding sensation. His hands clattered about the surface of the dials and buttons as he reached forward to clutch on to the strong shoulders of the god-like male. A few things began to whir in the lab, but neither paid heed when the other started to create beautiful, lusty melodies…

**At The Fletcher-Flynn Home**

A redhead teenage girl felt defeated after her mother declared the rain dance was a _cute_idea and insisted on making all the youngsters snacks. Candace only sighed, shaking her head. "Well, I guess it's no biggie. I mean the dance didn't even work!"

That was until a yellow flash erupted in the sky and rain clouds zoomed over in the horizon, pouring on Danville. A Cheshire grin spread out over the teen's face creepily and a chortle floated out of her.

"OH MOOOOOOOOOOM!"

**The Action Packed Conclusion!**

Clothes and rags of clothes were lost in the tussle. Perry was grinning madly down at the adorable mess of the doctor literally trapped under him. He was panting, flushed, and looking anywhere else but at Perry. Reaching out with his powerful arm, the agent let his fingers run through that unruly mane, and coaxed the doc to meet his eyes. Tiny moans were leaving him, eyes glistening. Unable to determine why this was so, the teal-haired one bent over, nuzzling the side of Doof's face.

It was instinct that took over, allowing hands to explore and mouths to unite once again. Slowly and forceful, the doc was pushed up, flesh pliant and perspiring. The secret agent was breathing deeply, grazing his teeth across a sinfully long and not so masculine neck. The way Heinz was squirming was quite entertaining, and Perry was increasingly becoming fonder of attaining a human body for this sort of enjoyment.

"W-Wait—" the brunet keened low in his throat as a hard knee was rubbing deliciously between his bird-like legs. A smirk appeared to have permanently etched itself over Agent P's face. Doofensmirtz glimpsed that excited face over him and felt stunned, as if Perry had hit him over the head with his meaty fist. The platy—human—was just so… so… so… _handsome!_

Dr. D moaned something intelligible as hot digits were rolling over his chest, paying special attention to his nipples. Of course, Perry had never really understood the reason men had these nubs—females are the one to have babies and could therefore produce milk. However, he was promptly decided that if it made Doof cry out such goddamned marvelous noises, the reason didn't matter.

The smaller man was bent over the consul station, arching his back for more physical contact. It drove their lower regions together and Perry growled, shoving himself closer and slamming his palms down on the buttons, scattering nuts and bolt toward the floor. They plinked softly off the shed clothes in the dim workshop.

It was crazy… beautifully crazy…

Friction mounted between the two bodies, resulting in more strangled sounds. Perry kept rocking his hips over the villain, who in turn tried his hardest to move in the languid rhythm and feel as close as possible to the hard body hovering over him.

Pressing, simply pressing, against one another, Heinz had reach his slim arms up, and entwined his fingers in the silky teal hair at the base of Perry's neck. Their minds had vanished, and the animalistic nature of being intimately, possessively held seared their skins. The taller somehow brought his lips across the other's, continuing to slide arousals together with a faster tempo.

Now, messier and with a hurried pace, both men were racing toward greater pleasure. There was a heat in the moist air. Whimpers could be heard beside the icy, pelting rain on the large windowpanes. It was such lovely music to Agent P's ears, almost distracting him until the doctor was thrown from the proverbial edge, bucking wildly and holding on for dear life. Splattering of something sticky and wet only helped to catapult Perry's own release, shuddering at an intensity that left him blinded for a moment.

Feeling heavy, the now human slumped over Doof, who had already began to slip off the control panel. Both landed on the floor, exhausted and panting. The disordered state of themselves did not fully register until the sweat on their bodies grew cool.

Shivering, Dr. D had huddled into Perry's wide chest. Noticing this, the agent glanced over the tuft of coco hair and stared. Doofensmirtz was unprepared for suddenly being dropped like rubbish and while Perry firmly stood, stalking away briskly. Heinz hit his back on the solid ground and squeaked indignantly. He was blinking up at the dinged ray that was in place above their heads.

_Right! The ray…_

Sitting up gingerly, and grimacing at the fluids dribbling down his stomach, Doofensmirtz got up. With those fast hands of his, he scooped up his clothes and hid his nakedness protectively. "U-Um, Perry…?" The tanned man didn't leave his spot from across the room, where his was peering out the window. The brunet felt betrayed in a way, and pivoting on his heel, twisted dials and began yanking on levers.

Who cared if Perry didn't spare him a glance after such a sensational encounter anyway?! Certainly **not** the evil doctor, _that's_ for sure! Nope, not _**all**_! As he huffily finished repairs, he would not realize Perry turned his head slightly, letting his coffee colored orbs roam over that cute little backside. Then, he had to viciously turn his face away and chew on his bottom lip, eyes steeling coldly.

At long last, Heinz was done—flicking on the screen for the Inner-Animal-Ray-Inator—beaming proudly. Spinning back to where he thought Perry would still be brooding, he let in a sharp breath, as the agent was right behind him, practically glowering. "Wh—?!" Doof never got to finish his sentence as Agent P swallowed his words greedily. Large hands traced the side of his face as Perry toyed with Dr. D's mouth, and those soft fingers trailed down the side of his neck, to the juncture of his shoulder, and down to the small of his back, which pulled the doctor brashly against the agent's human body. Then, he backed away enough that Doofensmirtz's mouth was only scantily a breath away. "I don't get it…" his mumbled, dizzy from such a swift attack.

Perry rolled his eyes good naturedly, resting his forehead against Doof's who stared up blankly, as if waiting. Distantly, lightening flashed against the slate sky. The Evil Inc Tower brightly gave the doc some insight. "O-Oh I see! You still wanna… uh… jump me?"

The secret agent wanted to laugh, but sighed instead, nodding. Doofensmirtz was really too cute… ya know, in that socially awkward way and everything.

"So, then, what does that mean for… well, us, I guess?" he questioned. Perry smirked. Heinz blinked as the tan one leant down and pecked his cheek. Without so much as any supplementary information, Perry tossed the doc's garments over the brown head. Looking down at his mostly covered state, the agent reached over and pressed the start up button for the ray.

Dr. D just observed dazed as Perry scooped up his hat. Nodding, Doof snapped to with an, "Oh!" The human remained standing as Doofensmirtz peeked backwards, hesitating. Agent P jerked his head once again, and the villain flipped a switch, shooting down a flash of orange light.

As wisps of foggy substance dispersed along the three-foot radius of the dish, Doof nervously waited until that platypus stepped out from under the shadow of the machine. A quick chirp of gratitude was the reward, making Heinz let out a breath he hadn't know consciously he was holding in.

"Welp, Perry the Platypus…" the man started, then sort of lost his gumption. Raising an invisible eyebrow, the agent strut over to the front door. The animal gathered it was only fair to the use the door. Doofensmirtz would be cleaning up this sloppy catastrophe for a few days. Better not also cut out a chunk of his walls. As he turned to doorknob, Heinz shouted, and Perry paused at the unexpected the noise, and the warmth that swelled within him when he heard it. He let go of the handle and looked back.

"D-Don't be a stranger, ya hear?" Heinz declared, clutching the sides of his dark pants harshly. He stood, almost shaking, and glancing off to the side, face reddening. Smiling, Perry lifted his hat in ado. He opened the door, shut it softly, and walked down the hallway toward home.

Tension seeped out of Doofensmirtz and he freed his digits from the stiff fabric. He tried to hold in a sigh as he stared at the huge, sizzling dome dangling above him. "GAH! Curse you Perry the Platypus…!"

**And The Tying of Loose Ends**

"Oh! There you are Perry!" Phineas exclaimed as Candace moped behind him (the downpour had turned into a drizzle minutes ago). Ferb squatted down and gave him a pat on the head. "Where do you think he's been all day?"

The green haired lad shrugged and his stepbrother took the situation without further inquiries.

"Where ever he's been, he sure looks tired. Maybe you boys oughtta give him some nice hot coco?" their mother offered as she stirred a couple of mugs on the immaculate kitchen counter. Candace perked up and walked over, grabbing a cup that was all made.

"Perhaps I could go bring Jeremy some? Snuggle up and keep warm on such a rainy day, right?" she asked optimistically.

"That's the spirit, honey!" Linda cheered as she handed over another cup helpfully. Ferb picked up Perry and set him on the counter as Phineas set down a bowl and poured his warm beverage out of its mug for the mindless household pet.

"How about it, boy?" the redheaded ten year old teased.

Perry let out his famous noise in response, secretly smiling to himself as he lapped up the coco gladly.

—END—

**A/N: **Go on! Guess why Perry was smiling and why the story is titled as it is.

Part of me almost can't believe I wrote this… Well!

That's it for this episode my Platypodeshippers! Stay tuned. You'll see more of me. Promise!


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